Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
