Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
