If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
