Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
