I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
