Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
