their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
