I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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