did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
