So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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