Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
