Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
