what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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