i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
