guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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