Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
