how can u be prego again
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
