fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
