im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
