Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
