Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
