don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
