There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
