New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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