ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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