shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
