They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
