Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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