You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
