for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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