you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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