I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
