I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
