I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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