yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
