you turned your livingroom into a bong?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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