I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
