Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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