4 words: hood of his car
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
