he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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