This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
