fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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