Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
