I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
