I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
