Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He felt like a one man threesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
