ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
