But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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