Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this just has baby written all over it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
