Moan for me like Helen Keller
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
