Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
