You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
