how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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