So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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