remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
